Saraba
by Skye0906
Summary: [Repost] Mamoru's inner thoughts during the famous breakup of SMR


This is a re-post, sans song lyrics and unedited from the original posting, so er…forgive me? o.O;;

Melanie-kun, all I can say is thank you so much for putting up with all of my questions and translations needs, and for the intriguing title suggestion.

Sailor Moon and co. do not belong to me, they are the rightful property of the genius that is Naoko Takeuchi.

Mamoru's 'inner voice' thing is in italics

p.s. I know the dialogue is nothing like in the anime, but it's been forever since I've seen the episode, so I sort of improvised, sorry.

Saraba (Fare-thee-Well)

"It's over Usa...gi"

It took all my strength not to let the familiar nickname slip through my lips. Even the slightest mistake now would send all that I was trying to do to hell. Not like I didn't feel as though that was where I was heading anyway, as I saw her face lift up, a look of confusion filling her soft eyes.

"What do you mean Mamo-chan? Gomen, but I don't understand, what's over?"  
Those perfect cerulean orbs, so innocent, so trusting. I stared back into their light depths, feeling the familiar tug of her soul to mine and I could almost feel my resolve begin to falter. How could I be doing this to her...to us? We were so happy, so complete, what could possibly be so important that I would be forced to tear us apart?

_She will die _

That damned voice, with its mysterious motive, but undeniable meaning. It had filled my nightmares for weeks now, hammering its message into my head until I had no choice but to heed its command. It was the reason why I was standing here today, feeling as though I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life, but not really seeing any other option.

_You must stay away from her. You must stay away from Serenity, if you do not, she WILL die _

I shook myself a little, regretfully breaking our connection. She was so beautiful, standing there, her lower lip quivering at what I was insinuating. I knew that she had always felt insecure in our relationship. That she was too young, too inexperienced, too clumsy...not enough of anything that she thought was needed in our very special case. And each time I would kiss her doubts away, always reassuring her that what I felt for her would stand against the challenges of time, that it would never weaken, never falter, only grow so much stronger.

My hands clenched into fists as I realized that in a few moments all that I ever told her would seem like nothing but one lie after another. One stupid, false, statement would make everything I ever claimed to have felt for her nothing but a passing phase, and that is perhaps what I feared most. That she would never know how much I truly cared for her. How it was the enchanting, mesmerizing thoughts of her that chased away the nightmares that had plagued me all my life. How my loneliness had known no bounds until she had literally crashed into my life, bringing with her the beauties of friendship, hope, and most of all love. Concepts I had never really known before her, and ones that I still can't believe I had ever managed to live without. Concepts, which would no longer hold any real meaning if they couldn't be shared with her.

Oh my dear, dear, Usako. One day, far from now, when another man is holding you, caring for you, and when you are happy once again, I will still be watching over you. Probably hiding in the shadows no doubt, but I will be there until my last breath has finally left me. This is because if I can't be with you, even if Fate is against our love, She can't stop me from doing my duty. From protecting you with my heart and soul, because that is all they will be good for without you.

So please forgive me now. Forgive my selfishness, but I would rather be nothing but a tiny, unknown part of your life in the future than live with the knowledge that by staying with you, I denied you one.

I was surprised that my voice didn't crack when I finally answered her question, but maybe that was because my body was already adjusting to the dark life it would soon need to live.

"We are Usagi. What we have...had is in the past. I'm sorry, but I don't love you anymore."

My heart cursed me then, as those breathtakingly beautiful eyes grew unbelievably wide, quickly filling with tears at the shocking news. I hurriedly brushed past her, my steps large and brisk, knowing that if I stayed by her one more moment, I'd likely fall to her feet, deny everything and cry out my love for her. But I couldn't do that, I cared about her too much to do that to her.

The knowledge of what I had done soon flooded my senses, and my heart screamed at me:

_You have destroyed her _

The accusation was soft and bitter.

I could never have meant that much to her

My mind tried to reason, as my feet walked blindly, but deep down I knew the truth because the same feelings were tearing my own soul apart.

Forgive me Usako. I love you, now and forever.

Even blocks away, I swear I could still hear her sobs.

FIN


End file.
